Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Bad Psychiatrists and Their Fallout

Because I am in Kidney Failure I have been advised by dietitians in the Nephrology Department (Kidney Doctor) to lower my protein intake severely.

I am supposed to eat:

Max of 7 ounces of protein per day split into two meals.
3 Ounces of protein is the size of a deck of cards.
I can have meat or protein in the amount of a deck of cards for lunch and then dinner.


I am supposed to go completely Vegan 4 days a week.
I am supposed to limit my protein to 3 days a week as detailed above.

I am watching my protein intake. Now I have a NEW FUCKING PROBLEM!!!!!

Quote from

When we eat foods that have protein, the body breaks down the long chains of amino acids into single amino acids. The body’s cells use these amino acids to manufacture new proteins. Proteins are used to:

  • repair tissue
  • make hormones
  • antibodies and enzymes
  • help balance acid-base, fluid and electrolytes
  • provide some of the body’s energy

Seventy-five percent of the human body is made of protein. Without protein, our bodies would be unable to heal from injury, stop bleeding or fight infection. That’s why eating protein (especially complete proteins) is so important to staying healthy. The average person needs between 40 to 65 grams of protein each day. The exact amount is based on body size and health status.

By limiting my protein I am having problems with my blood not clotting. A small scratch on my arm bleeds like a stuck pig. I can't get it to stop bleeding. Of course this makes my Iron Anemia, Folate Anemia and Pernicious Anemia even worse as I lose blood and can't get it to stop. I bleed like I am a Hemophiliac.

Protein and the chronic kidney disease patient

Protein can be tricky for chronic kidney disease (CKD) patients. Although protein is a necessary nutrient, CKD patients are often faced with the dilemma of having to limit protein intake.

When protein is ingested and used by the body, protein waste products are created. Healthy kidneys have millions of nephrons that can filter this waste. It is then removed from the body in the urine. Healthy kidneys can easily remove protein waste, even when very large amounts of protein are eaten.

Unhealthy kidneys lose the ability to remove protein waste. Protein waste starts to build up in the blood. As kidney function continues to decline, more waste accumulates. Blood tests that measure protein waste include blood urea nitrogen (BUN) and creatinine. These tests help your doctor assess how much the kidneys are working. A lower protein diet may be prescribed to help reduce waste accumulation. Some studies show that reducing protein intake may help slow the progression of kidney disease in some people. Dietary protein intake for CKD patients is based on the stage of kidney disease, nutrition status and body size. Low protein diets can cause protein malnutrition, and therefore should not be followed without medical supervision. Counseling sessions with a registered dietitian who provides medical nutrition therapy is recommended for planning and monitoring effects of a low protein diet.

CKD patients who are undergoing dialysis are often told to increase their protein intake. So why can some CKD patients eat large amounts of protein while others cannot? The most important factor in determining protein intake is the stage of CKD you are experiencing.


Good job psychiatry! Way to go dickheads.

Psychiatrists just prescribe shitty ass drugs willy nilly like a small retarded child and then expect another actual doctor to clean up their fucked up mess. Bring in the clean up crew! Spill on aisle 9!

My endocrinologist is sick and tired of saving my life six times per year to clean up the mess psychiatrists have created. She is pissed off! I have to hear her bitch slap me every appointment. Now? Now I have to deal with Nephrologists bitching at me too. Great. Just great.

I contacted the National Kidney Foundation the charity responsible for organ transplants in the US. Guess what? They DO NOT give a kidney to a Lithium damaged patient. Nope. No way. They told me the kidney goes to someone who is NOT under the care of a psychiatrist as they don't want the transplanted kidney to be killed as well. It could go to another person who is NOT under the care of a psychiatrist.

I am NOT ALLOWED to go into the database for a kidney transplant. No fucking way.

So, my psychiatrist did the following:

1. He spent my entire 401k retirement savings plan. My retirement money is GONE. I spent it all trying to take care of my health. Doctors, drug companies, pharmacies, labs and hospitals have all my money. I am flat broke.

2. I lost my career. I am too ill to work.

3. I am unable to return to grad school. I am too ill to attend grad school.

4. I lost two cars. I totalled them on excessive medications. Did the psychiatrist replace the cars? Nooooo. He did not.

5. I lost my health. I can NEVER GET IT BACK. Not possible.

6. I am losing my life. I can't get a transplant in the US. I can't afford the cost of a transplant outside of the US. I am fucked. I mean royally fucked.

7. Here is the kicker. My most recent psychiatrist said, "Yeahhhhhh, You don't have Bipolar. You have PTSD from being beat up so often. You have OCD. You have Anxiety Problems from being raped and beat up so many times. But....yeah, I don't see Bipolar." So, the kicker is my problem was I was malnourished since I am unable to absorb nutrients through my digestive tract. My energy going up and down was due to being malnourished, getting a B12 shot to lift me up and my energy level had NOTHING TO DO WITH BIPOLAR. Holy fucking shit!

I am dying for no good god damn reason at fucking all.

Am I pissed? What do you think?

My life is ruined.

My life is cut short. Hell yeah, I am pissed. My family lives into their 90s and even to 105. Not me!

It only took doctors 5 years to successfully kill me. That is all the time they needed.

I will die first. I will have a good long talk with the powers that be when I see them again and make sure my psychiatrists come back as roaches so I can step on them in my next life. Since I already died once and saw that we are reincarnated I know what to expect this time.

Doctor Thomas H. Okamoto of Santa Ana, Orange County, CA should NOT be allowed to practice medicine. That is for damn sure! If you want to be robbed of your money and be killed? If you don't have the courage to kill yourself and want someone to do it for you? Go see Dr. Okamoto. He will charge you a lot, BUT he will happily kill you and mock you while he does it.

Dr. Rimal B. Bera a University of California, Irvine (UCI) medical school professor, researcher and doctor on staff at a fucked up HMO insurance company called "Brand New Day" or also known as "Universal Care" threatened to have the cops pick me up and 5150 me just because I asked him, "Can you please reduce my Lithium dosage because I am terminally ill with Kidney Failure?" Yeah, fucker. He broke CA State law AND federal law by doing that. He KNOWS he broke the law and HE SIMPLY DOESN'T CARE. He is a person suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and thinks the laws of the state of California, the US Constitution and Federal Patient's Rights Laws DO NOT APPLY TO HIM. Hello? NPD for real.

Dr. Bera teaches medical school students to graduate and have the same fucked up, abusive attitude as Dr. Okamoto. It all starts in the medical schools. The medical schools teach doctors you can trample the Civil Rights of people and do what you like to them. Rights? What rights?

An inmate in jail
A prisoner in prison

Both of them have MORE RIGHTS than a patient who has NOT EVEN COMMITTED A CRIME and is locked up in the psych ward. I find this odd.

If you are locked up in the psych ward you have LESS RIGHTS than a person who has committed murder. How is this fair? Who thought this was a good idea? Oh, yeah! I have a great idea! Let out the people who commit murder and lock up the people who haven't committed a single crime. Yeah, that sounds fair.

Most of the people in the psych wards are there due to being homeless. The cops pick up the homeless to get rid of the complaints from the community about transients. The hospital makes money by filling their beds. The state pays the hospital to hold people whose only crime was being homeless. That is the honest to god truth. 95% of the people I met in the psych ward were picked up by the cops for being homeless.

Under the 5150 law? It is ILLEGAL to lock up a person simply for being homeless, but it is done every single day. The hospital makes money by filling beds so they aren't going to complain when the cops bring in a person. The whole thing is illegal, unethical and completely shady.

Dr. Trung Minh Thai of Brand New Day Insurance / Universal Care is the same as Dr. Bera. They are the same. They both threatened me with hospitalization which is illegal.

Both Dr. Thai and Dr. Bera had it explained to them by the insurance administrators that it is ILLEGAL to threaten a patient and it is ILLEGAL to force medication or medical services on a person. Neither cared. Both broke the law. The insurance administrators KNEW they broke the law and no one cared. The California Patient's Right Act is hung on the walls of the lobby, waiting room and medical exam rooms, but NO ONE gives a damn about following the laws of California or the US. It is illegal, unethical and tragic.

I filed a grievance with my health insurance plan. When I called back two weeks later to ask what was happening with my grievance....I was asked, "What grievance? We have nothing on file." My grievance was buried. This is typical in the US. You just try and file a grievance or a complaint against a doctor. See how far you get. Your grievance is not even filed. The person on the phone says to you, "Uh huh. OK." They don't even open a grievance or complaint.

Psychiatrists abuse people and the patient has NO RECOURSE of what they can do. You are stuck.

My last psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente Insurance also threatened to throw my ass into the psych ward if I dared to tinker with my meds on my own or go off them. His name is Dr.Eric Nguyen.

How did I get away from Dr. Nguyen? I exited a back door. I did not leave through the front door to have the receptionist see me and report me for failing to make a follow up appointment. I avoided the lobby. By avoiding the lobby I got out of making my next appointment. I just went home. I never went back. I did not say, "I am leaving. I won't be back." I just left and said nothing. Had I notified anyone I was leaving and not coming back? Cops would have come to my house to pick me up and take me to the psych ward against my will. I would have been locked up, put in a straight jacket and had meds administered by shot against my will. I would be injected with the drugs that are killing me. This is NOT helpful to me.

I went off Lithium on my own, unsupervised. I took a chance. I did it myself because NO DOCTOR WOULD HELP ME. I was on my own. That is frightening. It is risky and not at all safe, but I had no other options. I had to do it on my own.

I stair stepped down slowly checking for problems as I went.

I took one less pill per every other day for a month. the following month I took one less pill every day. Then I was down to one pill daily. I took one every other day for a month. Then I went off Lithium completely.


daily I was on 2 pills at the start.

Month One: I took

Mon: 2 pills (full dose)
Tue: 1 pill (half dose)
Wed: 2 pills
Thu: 1 pill
Fri: 2 pills
Sat: 1 pill
Sun: 2 pills

Month Two:
I took 1 pill per day every day.
Mon - Sun: 1 pill per day

Month Three: I took
Mon: 1 pill
Tue: no pills
Wed: 1 pill
Thu: no pills
Fri: 1 pill
Sat: no pills
Sun: 1 pill

Month Four: I took no pills. I was off Lithium for good.

I have been off Lithium for a couple of months. I feel....

More Relaxed
Less Anxious
Less Stressed Out
More Mellow
More Hopeful
More Cheerful
More Joyful
More Excited About Life
More Enthusiastic
I can think more clearly

While on Lithium I felt my thinking was slowed down. I was very forgetful. I lost things all the time. I forgot things. My memory was impaired. Prior to Lithium I had photographic memory for numbers. Not anymore!!!!! My brain has been damaged.

My ability to think, reason and problem solve was SEVERELY IMPAIRED. I felt like I was trying to read things from behind a veil of thick gauze and simply couldn't see clearly enough to understand. My brain was sluggish and I was simply unable to problem solve. Not even slightly.

I am currently dating the brother-in-law of a famous rock musician. He was in several famous bands. All bands you would know and recognize. The musician was diagnosed as having Bipolar. He was put on psychotropic drugs. His music career was ruined. He could no longer remember the music. His hands shook from the Lithium. He was unable to play properly due to his hands shaking. He had to quit touring and recording.

I am not going to say his name as he is not "out" about his condition. I don't want to out him. I think that is rude. He gave personal reasons and artistic differences as the reason for leaving. No one in the band has ever publicly said what really happened. I was shocked when the man I am dating told me the truth about what happened. I had no idea this was the reason the musician left the award winning, successful bands he was in.

The musician made the same decision I did. He is now off all meds. He can't play music when on meds, so he is off meds.

If you have an artistic talent such as being a music composure, song writer, musician, graphic artist, commercial artist, fine artist, dancer, actor, comedian, performer of some sort it is hard for you to produce work when you have the "Lithium Shakes" and your brain is slowed down like it is stuck in quicksand.

Lithium does NOT help you when you need to have a steady hand and a clear mind.

This list is by no means exhaustive. It is a quick round up of only a few things that can go wrong when you see a psychiatrist.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Is it TRULY Bipolar Disorder or...Is it a genetic mutation???

Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Autism and a number of mental illnesses are caused by a genetic mutation and can be FIXED with supplements (vitamins in high concentrations) instead of psychotropic meds.

The genetic mutations are not corrected with psychotropic meds from a psychiatrist. They just aren't. However, YOU WILL GET WORSE on psychotropic meds just like I did. Mutations and the Conditions They Cause

Check out the list. 

When you see a psychiatrist they DO NOT run a single blood test to look for a MEDICAL CAUSE for your symptoms. Why not? A couple of reasons.

1. Psychiatrists have not run or read a blood test since medical school. 


Their education STOPPED when they graduated from medical school.

If you bring to your psychiatrist your yearly physical report? They CAN NOT read it! Try it. You will see. 

NOT ONE psychiatrist who I have handed my yearly physical results to has been able to read the report. Not one. It is truly pathetic. 

IF you can't read a lab report? 
IF you don't know what tests to run?
HOW can you actually order ANY lab tests for anyone?
You can NOT do it! 

2. Psychiatrists are specialists and COMPLETELY UNFAMILIAR with ANY and ALL other areas of medicine outside how to write a prescription for psychotropic meds. 

All they know is psychotropic meds and write prescriptions. That is ALL they know. 

You come in exhibiting clear signs of stomach cancer. 
You are losing weight. You are tired, lethargic, fatigued and low energy. 

The psychiatrist will NOT run even a simple CBC on you to find out that you have cancer. They will simply prescribe Antidepressants and Anti-Anxiety drugs and possibly even Bipolar medication. 

This is a clear cut misdiagnosis and the psychiatrist is not even in the right ballpark. They are of NO HELP to you. However, this is how they operate. 

3. Doctors have Medical Malpractice Insurance that LIMITS them to their area of medicine. 

They are NOT ALLOWED to practice in any other areas of medicine or they have no Med Mal Insurance Coverage. 

(They can be sued and will NOT Have insurance to cover them if they operate outside the area for which they are insured. They can lose their business, homes and cars.) 

The Medical Malpractice Insurance ONLY covers a doctor when they practice under the field of medicine the insurance is written for. This prevents a psychiatrist from helping you, diagnosing you or sending you to a medical doctor to be checked out. 

4. No psychiatrist wants to lose revenue. 

This means EVEN IF they suspect a medical problem? They WILL NOT send you to a medical doctor to test you, diagnose you and treat you BECAUSE....that is LOST MONEY for the psychiatrist. 

No psychiatrist is going to give up any money. They just aren't.

5. No psychiatrist wants to admit they are mistaken or wrong!

Sending a patient to a family doctor or a specialist means admitting, "I was wrong. I made a mistake." Yeah, hell has to freeze over for a psychiatrist to say those words. 



Never. Ever. 

6. If you want proper medical care you need to go to the RIGHT DOCTOR in the CORRECT FIELD. 

What you THINK is a psychiatric problem could in fact be a medical problem and then? There is NOTHING the psychiatrist can do for you! They CAN NOT treat you! See item #2 & #3.

You don't go to a dermatologist complaining of chest pain. You go to a cardiologist. 
Likewise you don't go to the cardiologist complaining about skin skin cancer. 

You need the RIGHT specialist for the job or you get disastrous results. 

Guess what? Psychiatry is often the WRONG specialty to help you. I found this out too late. Now I am dying from the meds given to me by psychiatrist. It is too late for me. Hopefully, you figure it out sooner than I did. 


Also known as "What I learned the HARD WAY!"

1. Go to a family doctor for a routine yearly physical. 

Make sure you don't have any physical health issues that need to be treated. 

Make sure you don't have any health issues that can be MADE WORSE by psychiatry and psychotropic meds. 

Rule out physical health issues as the reason why you are not feeling well. 

2. Read about the MTHFR Gene Mutations.

Is what what you are experiencing on the list of possible MTHFR Gene Mutations?

If so? Go get genetic testing from your family doctor and a referral to specialist who knows how to treat the MTHFR Gene Mutation. 

Do your research. 

Don't go fishing in the wrong pond. 

You need to get the RIGHT DOCTOR to get the RIGHT HELP!

A psychiatrist CAN NOT help you with a gene mutation. This exceeds their education level, training, skill set and is well over their heads. You need to see a geneticist.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

L-Methylfolate Resources for Bipolar Treatment


An in depth resource about MTHFR:
Gene Mutations
Gene Testing
How it manifests
Treatment Protocols
Side Effects of treatment
Shopping for supplements

Read This First

MTHFR Mutations and the Conditions they cause

MTHFT Test Options - Oral Swab, Blood Test or Saliva

MTHFR c677t Mutation Basic Protocol Products Compared

Methylfolate Side Effects

There appear to be three types of responses to Methylfolate:

FIRST:  This is ME!
A person who can jump on Methylfolate and feel absolutely wonderful. The only down side they experience is why didn't they know about Methylfolate before?!

A person starts Methylfolate has an amazingly incredible week where they are happy, interacting and alert. Then the second week comes and they switch to wanting to hide in a room by themselves or literally throw dishes across the room out of anger. Or they may become bed ridden from muscle pains, intense headaches or joint pain.

A person takes a small amount of Methylfolate and feels all the Methylfolate side effects right out the gate.

Methylfolate Side Effects:



sore muscles

achy joints



severe anxiety 





Why does methylfolate create such an amazing week and then create such severe side effects so soon after?
It has to do with methylation, pre-existing inflammation and other genetic mutations which exist yet you’ve no idea they do.
This gets complicated quickly so I am going to keep it simple.
If you experience any of the above Methylfolate side effects, I highly recommend you discuss it with your physician and get your dose of Methylfolate reduced significantly or stopped for a week or two before reintroducing it.

There are two three things you can do to quickly quench most of the Methylfolate side effects:
  1. Consider 50 to 100 mg of time-released niacin. This is 1/4 of a tablet. Why? Niacin is broken down by SAMe. This means that excessive SAM is quenched by taking niacin. Niacin also helps break down glutamate and therefore increase GABA.
    1. NOTE of CAUTION: You may experience flushing for 20 to 30 minutes. This is not harmful and is a result of histamine release. Since you are likely overmethylated, your histamine flush will likely be minimal – especially as this is time-released niacin.
  2. Consider 1 to 2 capsules of 250 mg of liposomal curcumin to help quench inflammation. If one takes methylfolate before inflammation is controlled, the methylfolate will worsen it.  One may consider taking 2 capsules of Optimal Turmeric three times a day during times of inflammation.
  3. Consider Hydroxocobalamin as it is an excellent sponge for reducing nitric oxide levels. Methylfolate increases nitric oxide levels – which is why it is so effective in reducing headaches, pain, cardiovascular disease risk, thrombosis, preeclampsia, periodontal disease, etc – but at the same time, excessive nitric oxide levels are harmful as they end up producing serious radical damage via nitrotyrosine. Hydroxocobalamin quenches nitric oxide quite effectively.

How Much Methylfolate Should I Take?

The MTHFR.Net website is packed with all sorts of great articles. I just joined the site. I haven't fully explored it yet. This is just some of the data I pulled off the site in 24 hours. 

Please feel free to exploer MTHFR.Net some more on your own. 

I hope this helps you. 

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Off Lithium and Supplements Round Up

Oct 15, 2013 was my last date on Lithium. 

I had to take MYSELF off Lithium BECAUSE ..... NO psychiatrist would agree to do it for me. So, I had to run the risk of medical complications, seizures, convulsions, loss of consciousness by going it alone. I do not appreciate the lack of help or cooperation. Instead every doctor who I asked to help me lower my dose or go off it THREATENED me with a fast track to the psych ward, lock up, four point restraint, administering a high dose of Lithium against my will and keeping me locked up until I became "agreeable" to taking Lithium on my own. They screamed at me, threatened me and broke the law by doing this. Per federal and California state law ANYONE has the RIGHT to REFUSE medications, medical care, surgery and any and all treatments EVEN IF it means they will die! You are allowed to do what you wish, per the laws of the country and state. In reality? It doesn't work that way. Psychiatrists are a law unto themselves. Psychiatrists have a "God Complex" and you are NOT ALLOWED to defy them, tell them "no" or tell them to "suck it." Telling them "No" earns you a trip to the psych ward and all you did was say "No." 

Now keep in mind:
I explained I am dying.
I showed them my test results.
They saw in black and white I am telling the truth.
They can look it up in the computer for themselves.
They saw my prognosis of impending death.

One doctor told me, "Get on the transplant list! (he snapped at me). I will take you off Lithium two weeks before your transplant and put you back on it two weeks after the surgery." 

I checked with the Kidney Foundation and guess what? They WILL NOT give a kidney to ANYONE who has lost a kidney to Lithium. Game over! They know if they give me a kidney the psychiatrist will put me back on Lithium and kill the new kidney too. Kidneys go to people who have a better survival rate. My survival rate on Lithium with a new kidney is not long. I have about 2 - 3 years with the new kidney and then that one dies too. The Kidney Foundation wants to give a kidney to a person who will survive and NOT be killed by their damn doctor. I was told, "NO WAY will YOU get a kidney from US." So, that is not an option open to me. Do the psychiatrists realize that by administering Lithium and killing internal organs the patient is automatically NOT QUALIFIED for a transplant? No, they do not. None of them has ever checked! 

Going OFF psychotropic meds is always risky and scary. I had to do it all alone. Do it too fast and you end up in seizures, convulsions, loss of consciousness and can even die. They are no joke. Since I already did die from Parkinson's Disease meds and took 3 years to recover, learn to walk, talk, keyboard, relearn my vocabulary all over again....I was scared shitless to go it alone! But I did it anyway.

I went off Lithium very slowly over six months. I took it slow. I went down by one pill per day every other day. 

Example: Started out at 2 pills per day. 

Month One: I removed one pill every other day. 

Mon I took 2 pills. 
Tue I took 1 pill. 
Wed I took 2 pills. 
Thu I took 1 pill. 
Fri I took 2 pills.
Sat I took 1 pill.
Sun I took 2 pills. 

Month Two: I removed the remaining pill from every other day. I took one pill per day. 

Month Three: I stayed at one less pill per day. I waited to see how I would do. Everything was OK so I proceeded. I took one pill per day. I held on this to check for problems. 

Month Four: I took one less pill every other day. 

Mon I took 1 pill.
Tue I took zero pills.
Wed I took 1 pill.
Thu I took zero pills.
Fri I took 1 pill.
Sat I took zero pills.
Sun I took 1 pill. 

Month Five: I stayed at the same dosage as month four to check for problems and make sure everything was OK. 

Month Six: I went off the Lithium all together. I was done. No more meds. I was completely off it. 

Why did I go off Lithium? 

I went off Lithium because I am dying due to Lithium. 

I have had every single test known to man done by multiple different doctors. 

I have seen:

5 Nephrologists
5 Endocrinologists
5 General Practitioners
2 Gynecologists
3 Internal Medicine Doctors 
3 Oncologists
1 Infectious Disease Specialist

They all agree on the following:

(1) The ONLY reason I have Thyroid Disease is due to Lithium. There is NO OTHER medical reason for me to be ill and have this disease. Lithium did it. 

(2) The ONLY reason I have Adrenal Failure (the Adrenal Glands that sit on top of the Kidneys and are part of the Immune System. Adrenal Failure  means the Adrenal Glands are damaged and/or dead. In my case, dead.) is due to Lithium. Lithium did it. 

(3) The ONLY reason I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) is due to my Immune System being compromised. Again, Lithium did it. This is incurable. There are no medications. I spent the first three years I was first sick bedridden. I started a regiment of vitamins and supplements to boost my Immune System. Now when I get sick I am sick for three to six months instead of nine months. Now I sleep for 14-18 hours per day instead of 20 hours per day. It is an improvement. Lithium did it by damaging my Immune System which allowed me to catch CFS.

(4) The ONLY reason I have Kidney Failure is due to Lithium killing my kidneys. There is no other reason. All other causes have been ruled out. Lithium did it.

(5) Abnormal Pap Smears with pre-cancer cells which can turn into cancer. This is due to my Immune System being damaged. My Immune System was damaged from Lithium usage. I have always had 100% normal pap smears and now? No, they are abnormal. I had a Colposcopy (more indepth than a Pap Smear) and was told I must be monitored to make sure it doesn't turn into cancer. Lithium damaging my Immune System lead to the Abnormal Pap Smear. 

(6) It is expected I will develop Liver Failure due to Lithium usage. Doctors have advised me to expect it and to not be surprised when it shows up. 

(7) I have been advised I will probably die of a heart attack brought on by Kidney Failure before I can get a transplant. This is common. 

Specialists look at me with a blank face unsure of what to say to me. No one wants to really talk about it as it all smacks of  the evil "M word", Malpractice. They tell me in person, "Yep, Lithium did this to you! I am sorry!" I ask them to put their findings in writing. They FREAK THE FUCK OUT as that means they can be called to testify in a court case for wrongful death, malpractice, negligence, etc. and NO ONE wants to oppose another doctor. They ALL REFUSE to put anything in writing. No way will that happen. Their "help" only extends so far and then it stops. 

Doctors stick together. Doctors cover up for each other. It is like dealing with a Mafia. Doctors are a "Medical Mafia."

My Kidney Failure was 1% per month prior to going off Lithium. That puts my ETA to die at about July 2016. Since I have a regular rate of decline the date can be easily calculated. I know my Kidney Functioning Level due to blood tests. I know my Kidney Failure Rate due to blood tests. It is all in black and white. The failure rate has stayed consistent. 

I went off Lithium to try and see IF, that is a mighty big IF, I can slow down the Kidney Failure at all. It is worth a try! I have been told it is unlikely going off Lithium will make a damn bit of difference because once Lithium kills you liver, kidneys, thyroid gland, adrenal glands it is far too late. They will stay dead. They WILL NOT recover and come back. The damage is permanent. Plus, the organ will continue to die and that can't be stopped or helped. Nothing can be done. It is far too late. 

The Kidney Damage I have sustained thus far is permanent. There is NO WAY to reverse it. I am stuck with it. I can't do anything about it. There are NO DRUGS, herbs, supplements, foods that can heal the kidneys. Once they are damaged from Lithium? It is permanent as in "can't be undone or reversed." Too bad, so sad, you are done. Nothing can change what has happened. Nothing and no one can help you. I get that part. I was just hoping to buy more time and slow the progression. 

I can't prevent future or halt future damage. I was just hoping to slow it down. I was trying to buy more time. This is a perfectly reasonable, logical thing to want and think. Right? Wrong per psychiatrist. 

My most recent blood test is NOT good, but I just had it done last week. I am HOPING, HOPING, HOPING things will slow down now that I am off Lithium. 

Every psychiatrist I saw, 2 at Kaiser, 2 at Brand New Day told me, "IF you tamper with your dosage or go off Lithium I WILL BE FORCED to have you picked up, hospitalized and have Lithium administered by force. YOU WILL stay on Lithium." So, not only did the doctors damage my body and kill me....BUT they also threatened me, intimidated me, scared the crap out of me and gave me a fresh case of PTSD. I DO NOT see this as remotely helpful, caring or healing. Not at all. 

I am so scared of doctors now that when I saw a nephrologist I broke down and cried from fear when she walked into the room and said, hi to me. I just cried my eyes out! Doctors now scare me! I can't even put into words how traumatizing this whole experience has been. 

Now there are a couple of problems with doctors saying to me, "You CAN NOT go off Lithium or lower the dose."

(1) It is illegal. No ifs,ands or buts. It is illegal under California and federal law. 

When I said to the doctor, "You can't do that! It is illegal and you know it!" They replied, "I DO NOT CARE what the law says! You do as I tell you!" (Said in a screaming, angry, hysterical manner. Talk about a "Control Freak from hell!") 

This has caused me to FEAR psychiatrists. I now avoid them BECAUSE I WANT TO LIVE LONGER AND DO NOT WISH TO LOSE MY FREEDOM! In a pysch hospital you lose your freedom and all rights. 

(2) I am now completely traumatized and have PTSD from the experience. 

(3) I do NOT trust doctors now. I am in conflict. I need doctors to prescribe my thyroid meds and monitor my kidney failure and thyroid disease, but I am now so scared of doctors I about pee my pants with fear walking into a doctor office. 

Here is what I can NOT comprehend about life and the world. 

People shout about the treatment of prisoners at Guantanamo Bay Prison in Cuba, but NO ONE gives a shit that:

People are picked up every day
People disappear into a psych hospital
People are held against their will
They have NOT committed a single crime
They are not being held to stand trial
They are not under arrest 
There are no criminal or civil charges pending against them
They are denied access to a lawyer
They are denied access to a phone
They are denied access to their cell phone
They are denied access to a Social Worker
They are denied access to their own money
They are denied access to the Internet
They are denied access to the mail or postal services
They have little or no way to reach the outside world
They are locked up behind barbed wire fences which resembles a jail or prison
They are locked into a lock down ward similar to a jail
Their freedom of movement is taken away
Their ability to make decisions about their own destiny is taken away
They can not decide when they want to shower, eat, sleep or what to eat
They are treated as if they are jail inmates or prisoners, but didn't break a single law

This is happening daily across the US and no one cares. This happens all around the world and no one cares. 

95% of the people in the psych ward were in the psych ward because.....they are homeless and the cops pick them up to clean up the streets. Being homeless is a one way ticket to the psych ward. 

One elderly man was in the psych ward at the same time as me because his children were tired of waiting for him to die. They wanted to gain control over his estate. So.....they put him in the psych ward, had him declared incompetent, took his house, took his money and got everything they wanted. This is not uncommon to happen in wealthy families. I have seen it more than once in families I know. It is a fast, easy way to get your inheritance prior to the person dying. 

So, violate the Civil Rights of foreigners and cry me a river. Violate the rights of you own fellow Americans? No one cares. I find this odd and it does NOT make any sense to me at all. It is illogical. 

Doctors are SUPPOSED TO HELP and yet???? Here I sit terrified of psychiatrists. I stopped my Lithium. I stopped my ADHD treatment. I am off meds completely.  I am not on meds any longer. 

Now a funny thing has happened to me going off meds. I will detail it below. 

1. I feel slowed DOWN going OFF meds. I felt sped up ON MEDS like I was on speed. Going off meds everyone is telling me, "You seem NORMAL now. What have you changed?" I have not told anyone I am off meds out of fear they will call my old doctor and have my picked up and admitted to the psych ward to "help me." BUT they all noticed I am calmer, quieter, mellower, relaxed and no longer sped up like I am on speed. 

2. My Libido is gone and I mean GONE completely. I couldn't care less if I ever had sex again. It seems my Hypersexuality was a direct result of the meds I was on. I now have NO SEX DRIVE AT ALL. None. And I mean NONE. 

3. My ADHD has improved. I can concentrate better, focus better and I am not struggling with ADHD like I was while on Lithium and the other meds. This is MUCH improved! People have noticed! It is noticeable and observable. 

4. I lost so much weight I can grab a handful of my pants where there is extra fabric. I can put three hands down my pants and still have room left over. I am the incredible shrinking woman. Pants that were skin tight are now falling off me. I must wear a belt or my pants will fall down. 

5. I look healthier. People have commented that I look good. What have you done? You look good! I can't tell anyone for fear of the psych ward. I simply smile and laugh. My skin looks better and brighter. It is no longer dull and lifeless. My eyes look clearer and more sparkly. All of these changes mean I LOOK healthier to the outside observer.

6. I FEEL HAPPIER! I mean sooo much happier. My spirits are lifted. Despite knowing I am for sure dying and I can't stop it I feel happy, content and at peace. I am doing really well. Yes, I have days when I feel sad for myself that I had a terrible run of it, but then I get over it and move on. My reaction is all quite normal. Friends tell me I am handling my situation rather well, better than they would. 

I NEVER felt THIS HAPPY on meds. Ever. Not once. Not one single med that was prescribed for me and I tried them ALL, made me feel this good. 

7. My happiness is of a normal level. I am not manic in the slightest. I sleep normally. I don't talk fast like I used to. My speech pattern is slooowed down. My thoughts are slowed down. I am doing well. I should have crashed by now and I have not crashed. I feel good. I believe I never did need Lithium. I believe all of my problems stemmed by vitamin, mineral and amino acid deficiencies which once corrected my mental state righted itself. 

My ancestors came on the Mayflower in 1620 to the US. Of the 18 ancestors I had on the Mayflower two died of Scurvy. Scurvy is a lack of Vitamin C. It takes 80 - 90 days with no Vitamin C to develop Scurvy and die. 

Now it stands to reason:
(1) IF you have OTHER vitamin, mineral, electrolyte, amino acids  deficiencies (other than Scurvy) that in addition to physical health problems you would also develop mental health problems as the brain was starved of essential nutrients for it to function. Makes sense, right? But NO DAMN psychiatrist looks for anything even remotely resembling a vitamin deficiency. 

In this day and age when people eat fast food, snack foods devoid of nutrients, drink soda instead of water, eat processed foods from a bag, box or can doesn't it make sense a LOT more vitamin and mineral deficient people would be walking around today? It does to me. Send them to see a dietitian or nutritionist to get straightened out. IF they still feel bad? They can return to the psychiatrist at that time. 

Go the natural and dietary correction route FIRST instead of never even trying to make a natural correction. 

(2) The FIRST THING a psychiatrist should do is a full physical, vitamin panel and mineral panel blood tests on the person who comes to them to RULE OUT any dietary problems, biological problems causing their depression. This is a quick fix and costs the insurance company FAR LESS money than paying for expensive psych meds. 

IF you take away vitamins, minerals and make a person malnourished they WILL develop mental and emotional problems as well as physical health problems. This is well documented. That is what happened to me. Unfortunately, I had NO IDEA where to look for help or what was wrong with me so....I mistakenly went to a psychiatrist. I am paying for that mistake with my life. It is a pity. It is so unnecessary. I do feel angry and bitter that I have to die for the mistakes and lack of training in the dumb ass doctors I saw. I am suffering due to their lack of knowledge. I have to die. They get their big house on the beach, get to drive their porsche to work every day and my life is ruined and over. I am bankrupted trying to keep up with medical bills. I am flat broke! All of this due to doctors didn't know what the hell they were doing. 

8. MY OCD is much improved. I don't really feel troubled by OCD anymore. I find it manageable. 

9. I take a full range of vitamins, minerals, Amino Acid Complex and L-Methylfote and I feel good. 

The most important ones are as follows:
In no particular order

B-Vitamin Complex - It is called "The Happy Pill" as it gives a lift to the mood and provides energy. It is best taken at breakfast or lunch. When taken later than lunch it causes sleep trouble because it raises the energy level. 

Zinc - Immune System Boost, Energy Boost. It is like 5 cups of coffee. It gets you going. It is best taken at breakfast or lunch. Don't take it later than lunch or it will cause sleep problems because it raises the energy level. 

Magnesium - This is called "Nature's Valium" because it is relaxing, soothing, calming and works like a natural Anti-Anxiety drug WITHOUT any risk of a drug addiction like the Anti-Anxiety Drugs bring. I take Magnesium at dinner time to help me relax from my day, help me unwind and prepare for sleep later in the evening. It calms me, soothes me from a stressful day of dealing with nasty doctors and a health insurance plan that sucks ass.

Vitamin C - This is used to boost my Immune System and help me with CFS. I take it daily. it is hard on the stomach so it must be taken with food. I take it at dinner time with my meal. On an empty stomach it will make you sick to your stomach. Take it with food. Vitamin C is also important for hair growth. 

Iron - I have Iron Anemia which makes me tired, prone to bruising, prone to bleeding out as my blood doesn't clot. I nearly bled to death during a routine surgery when I was not on Iron. My surgeon had to get other surgeons to help him save my life. My Anemia is severe. I have NO ENERGY, get cold hands, cold feet and a sensitivity to the cold as well as a lack of energy when I am not on Iron. Iron is extremely hard on the stomach like Vitamin C. It has to be taken with food. I take mine at dinner time with my meal. If taken without food I get an ulcer. It is that hard on the stomach. Iron is also important for hair growth. Iron supplies the scalp to make hair grow. 

Calcium - Calcium is absorbed while we sleep, so it best to take Calcium right before going to sleep. Brush your teeth before bed and take the Calcium at that time. Calcium has to be taken with Vitamin D or it is not fully absorbed and wasted. I take my Vitamin D separately. Calcium is soothing and brings sleepiness. It aids in sleep. That is why people drink a glass or warm milk when they can not sleep. It is the Calcium in the milk that bring sleep. Calcium is a natural sleep aid. Women need Calcium to combat osteoporosis. I am lactose intolerant, so I don't eat dairy products. I take Calcium supplements to get my Calcium since it doesn't come from dairy products. If you are lactose intolerant it is important to take Calcium. 

Calcium is complicated as it usually comes from Lactose which I can't take. I tried one brand and it was from soy. I am allergic to soy and became quite ill. I have to be careful about what kind of Calcium I take as it has to be Lactose-Free and NO SOY!

Vitamin D - I need Vitamin D to get absorption of my Calcium. But more importantly I need it to combat my Adrenal Failure. I take Vitamin D with my Calcium at night time. My endocrinologist doctor put me on Vitamin D to combat the Adrenal Failure. 

DHEA  - I take this for Adrenal Failure. My Endocrinologist doctor had me start taking DHEA. If you have Adrenal Failure you need to be on this supplement. I buy mine from Swanson Vitamins. 

Vitamin E - I have permanent nerve damage due to a psychotropic drug I was put on. One psychiatrist did his research on Vitamin E and its helpfulness to heal or mitigate down nerve damage. He told me to take  Vitamin E to combat the nerve damage. It does help significantly. I take Vitamin E to combat my nerve damage. It can be taken with or without food and at any time of the day. If you have nerve damage from psychotropic drugs Vitamin E can help you, so the symptoms are not as severe. 

Astragalus - I take this to boost my Immune System and help me with CFS. 

PregnenoloneI take this under the direction of my doctor for Adrenal Failure.

Swanson Vitamins Pregnenolone

Garlic Capsules - Boosts the Immune System. I take this to help me with CFS so I get sick less often and for not as long. It does help. 

Ginger Capsules - If I get an upset stomach, sour stomach or have ulcers starting again I take Ginger capsules to settle my stomach. I also take it when I have the flu to settle my stomach. Ginger is used by pregnant women to control morning sickness. It is taken by people to control motion sickness upset stomach when on a boat, in a plane, on a train, in a car. Ginger is a natural remedy for an upset stomach. No side effects. I take it as needed to cut off ulcers. I take it as needed to help me with the flu. I keep this on hand at all times. I take it as needed. I keep it on hand to help me with ulcers and the flu. 

Mushroom Complex - I take mushrooms to boost my Immune System to keep me healthy for protection against CFS. I don't take it daily. I take is as needed when I am ill or run down. I take it to recover from a CFS episode. 

Swanson Vitamins 14 Mushroom Complex

Probiotics - I take Probiotics to boost my Immune System and keep me healthy for protection from CFS. I don't take it daily. I go on and off it as needed. I don't take it daily. I only take it as needed to help me with CFS. 

Swanson Vitamins Probiotics Dr Stephen Langers Ultimate 15 Strain Probiotic

Amino Acid Complex - I take this because I can't get my Amino Acids from food. My stomach doesn't function properly. I feel stronger, more energetic, healthier, happier and just all around better when I take my Amino Acid Complex. I buy it from Swanson Vitamins. I buy the one with the most Amino Acids. My psychiatrist told me to take this because I got relief from depression by going on "Medical Food" Deplin (see: and L-Methylfolate and then GABA.

GABA - A single Amino Acid. I take this along with the Amino Acid Complex. It makes me feel happier, stronger, healthier. My stomach doesn't pull Amino Acids from my food, so I need supplements. Amino Acids are the building blocks for all the cells in your body. You can't create new blood cells without Amino Acids. They are vital for our good health. They also impact our mental health if they are missing. Missing Amino Acids results in clinical depression. It is like being malnourished. Of course you will develop health problems and mental problems if your Amino Acids are missing. I buy this from Swanson Vitamins. 

L-Methylfolate (AKA: 5-MTHF, Vitamin B9, etc.) - I take this due to I have stomach problems and can't get this from my food. I take it upon the recommendation of a psychiatrist who put me on prescription "Medical Food" Deplin (see: I then switched to over the counter Metabolic Maintenance 5-MTHF L-Methylfolate. I buy it on as it is the cheapest place I have found. I take this to keep away clinical depression. I recently did a test. I didn't take it for two days. I got into trouble. I became super depressed! I went back on it. Not convinced I tried going off it again. The second time I stopped the dosage for three days. I became suicidal and was unable to get out of bed. I had NO ENERGY at all! I am convinced by my tests I do for sure need this supplement and feel it is my most important supplement. It regulates my emotional health, physical health and energy level. 

I take 10 MG, four times per day at breakfast, lunch, dinner and 9 PM, per doctor's orders. It wears off fast so the split doses keeps it even in my blood stream. I don't have a let down effect by spreading out the dosage. The split dose is the best method to keep it level in your bloodstream throughout the day. Instead of taking it all in the morning, then it wears off in about four hours. That makes you go up and down. It isn't very stable. Doing a split dose throughout the day keeps L-Methylfolate stable in the blood stream and brings more stability to the mind and body. This link has a comparison chart for the various makers of L-Methylfolate. It is very informative. 

Websites about L-Methylfolate that I just found today:

This link is very informative explaining what L-Methylfolate is, which forms are best and which forms don't work well.

Methyl-life Products Compared

This link has a comparison chart for the various makers of L-Methylfolate. It is very informative.

Of the 40+ psychiatrists I have seen ONLY ONE had ever heard of Deplin, L-Methylfolate, Folate Anemia or even knew to try this as an option. That is pathetic! Doctors are NOT well trained. Medical schools are doing a poor job of educating them. I am disgusted by the level of education so called "doctors" are receiving. Is is dismal and pathetic. 

For Hair Growth since Depakote made my hair break off and fall out:

Fish Collagen - It makes hair grow and it has the bonus of getting rid of fine lines and wrinkles. You will get more hair and a more youthful face. What is not to like?

Swanson Vitamins Fish Collagen

Swanson Vitamins Hair, Skin and Nails - My nails are stronger now. My hair is thicker and longer now. I take this supplement to make my hair grow after my hair fell out due to taking Depakote. 

Swanson Vitamins Hair Skin Nails

Vitamin A or Beta Carotene - I take this good health, but more importantly for hair growth after my hair fell out due to Depakote. 

Biotin (AKA: Vitamin B7 or Vitamin H) - I take this good health, but more importantly for hair growth after my hair fell out due to Depakote. This can be taken any time of the day, with or without a meal. 

Gelatin and Silicon - This makes hair grow and get thicker. 

Swanson Vitamins Gelatin and Silicon

I'm so disappointed in doctors, medicine, the medical profession as a whole, insurance companies, big pharma drug companies, pharmacies and I see the whole thing as a money making SCAM. 

Doctors become doctors to make money, have power in society, have prestige, have clout, have status, have respect and very few give a damn about their patients or their patient's well being. They made the decision to become a doctor based on finances. It was a financial, career decision based on money and not based on altruism. I finally get it now, but it is too late for me. What a pity I figured it out far too late. 

My biggest mistake in life that has cost me my life not once, but twice was: Trusting doctors. I never should have sought medical help and just toughed it out instead. 

I would have been better off seeing a dietitian, nutritionist and doctor to do with nutrition and diet instead of seeking out a psychiatrist. I learned this too late much to my regret.